Broken

Photo by Gary Meulemans on Unsplash

“You are broken,” her friend said to her.

“You are broken and you don’t even know it, you need to see a therapist fast before you go down the lonely road.”

She felt naked… not naked physically but naked mentally.

“She can see through me, she has seen through me. She bluntly said to herself.

I’d been holding in for years. Words that scare me. Words I know to be true. Words I try not to accept. She saw through me.” She kept repeating to herself.

Kemi has always felt better or even happier but she knows it. She knows she is sinking in deep. She knows but has refused to accept it.

“It won’t hurt if I pretend to be happy one more day. It won’t hurt if I try to make everyone around me happy for just one more day. Why am I overreacting? My problem is not as severe as I make it seem. People go through worse. I will be fine.” Words she had planted in her every time depression hit her.

Kemi always believed no one has it easy, everyone is putting on a smiling face and a good Instagram picture so why can’t she?

It took long for her to realize she was slowly losing herself and her spirit.

She went to bed every night with tears in her eyes and woke up with a wet pillow. It happened every night, it had become a norm for her.

“Don’t everyone around my age cry themselves to sleep?” There is nothing wrong with me. It is not a big deal.

But she knew deep down that it was a lie and a big deal. She knew nothing about her crying herself to sleep every night was normal.

Gone were the days when she would call her friends or siblings to talk about her problems with them. She missed those days. Days of easy and free communication helped her deal with her depression but not anymore.

Now she just buckles everything up and deals with her problem herself.

“My family broke me” was the last thing she said before taking the drugs.

It was her last words and her last breath. Now she’s gone. She gave in to the depression, to the tears, to the pain. She was in search of peace, in search of a home, in search of love, and the only place she believed she could find all these was the other side.

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